The Almighty Wind

I have been doing lots of thinking about my relationship with religion, and I feel very delighted that I have managed a clean divorce from all things spiritual. I even Googled "God" and "Asshole" the other day, curious to see if God's almighty rampages led others to believe that he may not be the loving force everyone envisions him to be.

I ran across a site that begs the question, "If God really was created in man's image, does that mean God has an asshole? If so, what would its function be?"

I posted the below response.

Recently, a new generation of Biblical literature was discovered in the Middle East that easily rectifies any confusion about God's asshole, evolution, etc. The name of these scriptures is The Hyphocretes.

The Hyphocretes clarifies that the earth was created in 10 days, not seven.

"On the 8th day, God observed that he had only created one man and one woman, and they were lonely. For them to be fruitful and multiply, a more genetically diverse population would be required. Therefore, God tooketh a huge dump, and from his dump came forth Jadyn and Eva.

On the 9th day, God realized that Adam, Eve, Jadyn, and Eva were lonely, and all was not good. As an almighty deity who could never make mistakes, God was forced to act quickly. Therefore, from the anus of God came forth an Almighty Wind, and so were born Adam and Steve.

On the 10th day, God realized that Adam and Steve were drawneth to each other, and would not be fruitful and multiply. God sighed, looked the other way, and said 'I am going to take a nap'".