James asked me last night how many jobs I had applied for in the past month. My answer? Zero.
I have instituted the below guidelines, which are designed to screen out crappy potential employers as I thumb through the help wanted ads. So far, no jobs are passing the test.
1.) Ads that use certain buzzwords will be ignored. These buzzwords include, but are not limited to, "team player", "results-oriented", "career-minded", and my absolute favorite... "core competencies". I mean, c'mon! Any schmuck that says "core competencies" instead of "qualifications" or "abilities" is the same kind of schmuck that will spent 15 hours of his week reading logs of employee emails, internet use, and time card activities in an effort to catch his employees doing something naughty. This same boss will be so overwhelmed with his detective work that he won't have time to pursue employee's suggestions on how to make the department run more smoothly. He probably won't even have time to notice that his employees don't have enough work to do, or recognize the good work that is being done.
2.) Any ad that makes a statement along these lines. "We offer a competitive pay structure and benefits. Please send resume along with previous salary history to $%^^@schmuckmail.com. Emails without salary history will not be considered." Isn't that the same as saying "we offer competitive salary and benefits, but only when we are dealing with potential employees that were severely underpaid at their last job?"
3.) Any ad that says "must be available to work overtime, be on call, etc. etc." It seems to me that the majority of ads that mention this represent companies that don't want to hire happy, emotionally healthy people with families and personal lives of their own. During the only interview I have had since I had Corbin, the woman who was interviewing me immediately furrowed her brow when I told her I had an infant son. "Will you be able to work overtime?" she asked. "Only when given proper notice, and only when it is necessary. I don't believe in working extra hours just to make an impression", I responded. Bitch pissed me off.
Is it possible that I am just too smart to work in corporate America? It amazes me how many people don't see through all of the games, lies, and deception that go along with big business. I am saddened about how many people suffer from depression and chronic feelings of inadequacy due to the constant nitpicking and manipulation they are subjected to by their employers. I think I am about ready to go back to school and get a real degree...maybe in nursing? If I am going to be dealing with crap and assholes all day, I want to at least be able to acknowledge that this is what I am being paid for.
OK, enough ranting. I need to get back to Corbin... I passed my cold to him. Poor little stinker has a fever of 100, and hasn't stopped crying for like two days. It seems like the only thing that pediatricians can offer newborns is tylenol. Poor baby. :-(
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